Navigating Conversations: How to Talk to Someone with an Eating Disorder

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

Understanding how to talk to someone with an eating disorder is crucial, especially when you consider that eating disorders have the second highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness, behind only opiate addiction. If you have a loved one recovering from an eating disorder you know how challenging it can be for both of you.

You want to help, but sometimes, even with the best intentions, it’s hard to know what to say or do. This guide will break down the “dos and don’ts” of supporting someone with an eating disorder in a way that truly makes a difference.

What Not to Say to Someone with an Eating Disorder

First off, let’s clear up a few myths. Eating disorders aren’t a choice or they’re not about vanity. They’re serious, often life-threatening conditions that can deeply affect someone’s mental and physical health.

And it’s extremely important to know that eating disorders don’t discriminate – they impact all body sizes, genders, races, and ages. Restrictive eating disorders like anorexia affect people in all body sizes, including those in larger bodies or mid-size bodies. Less than 6% of people with an eating disorder are medically underweight.

Here are some more common misconceptions and things not to say to someone with an eating disorder.

Harmful Misconceptions About Eating Disorders

1. Eating disorders are a choice: This idea completely overlooks the complex interplay of biological, psychological, and environmental factors that contribute to eating disorders.
2. One must be very thin to have an eating disorder: Eating disorders affect individuals of all body sizes. This stereotype can prevent those who don’t appear “typically affected” from recognizing their own symptoms and seeking help.
3. People in larger bodies that have an eating disorder must only have binge eating disorder: This narrow view fails to acknowledge that eating disorders manifest in various forms across all body types.

Things Not to Say to Someone with an Eating Disorder:

1. “Just eat more” or “just eat less”: Oversimplifies the complexities of eating disorders and implies that they are easily resolved.
2. “I wish I had an eating disorder”: Glamorizes serious and often deadly conditions by associating them with weight loss.
3. “It doesn’t seem to be that bad”: Minimizes the person’s experiences and the seriousness of their disorder.
4. “You look so good,” “You look great,” or “You’ve lost weight, you look awesome”: Focuses on appearance, which can be triggering and detrimental to the recovery process.
5. “I can tell you’re getting better”: Assumes recovery status based on appearance, which can be misleading and harmful.
6. Comments about appearance, such as “You don’t look like you have an eating disorder”: These are harmful as they reinforce stereotypes about how someone with an eating disorder should look.
7. Talking about your own negative body image or food issues unless asked: Can be triggering to someone who is vulnerable and struggling with an eating disorder.
8. Trying to “fix” them: Suggests that they can’t manage their own recovery journey or undermines their autonomy.
9. Negative talk about diets, body sizes, or categorizing foods as good or bad: Reinforces the diet culture that often contributes to eating disorders.

Avoiding these common pitfalls is a big part of supporting someone with an eating disorder. As we understand more about what to steer clear of, we also open the door to more meaningful and supportive interactions.

Next, I’ll guide you through what to say to show your support and understanding effectively.

What to Say to Someone Struggling with an Eating Disorder

When you’re talking to someone who’s dealing with an eating disorder, it’s really important to think about what you say to show your support and understanding. Here are some thoughtful phrases you can use:

1. “That sounds really hard to navigate. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
   • This shows you get how tough things are for them, validating their feelings without any judgment.
2. “I’m here to listen whenever you feel like talking.”
   • Offering a listening ear signifies that you’re available on their terms, reinforcing the idea that they have your support without pressure.
3. “Can I help you find a therapist or dietitian? Maybe we can look for someone together who understands what you’re going through.”
   • This offers practical help and shows that you want to actively support their journey to recovery.
4. “It’s so courageous to even be asking for support. You’re so strong. I believe in you and am here to help however you’d like.”
   • Pointing out their courage and strength really boosts their confidence and shows you believe in their ability to face their challenges.
5. “Eating disorders are serious no matter what, and you deserve to have support that meets your needs.”
   • Gently reminding them that their situation is serious helps validate their need for support and shows that they truly deserve the help they’re seeking.

How to Discuss an Eating Disorder Respectfully

Talking about eating disorders can be tricky. You don’t want to push your loved one into a corner. It’s about finding a gentle way to open up the conversation:

• Ask if it’s okay to talk about it BEFORE talking about it.
• Use ‘I’ statements to keep things from sounding like you’re accusing them of anything, like, “I’ve noticed you seem really stressed, and I’m here for you.”
• Listen more than you talk. Sometimes, just being heard can be a huge relief for them.
• Make sure they know you’re not there to judge or fix them—just to support.

Supporting Someone with an Eating Disorder

It’s easy to slip up or not know what’s helpful. For example, maybe you think planning meals together could be supportive, but for some, it might feel like too much pressure. Always ask what they need.

Maybe they’d just appreciate your company during meals without focusing on the food, or they might need help with other daily tasks.

Resources and Ongoing Support for Eating Disorder Recovery

If you’re looking for more ways to help, or need professional advice, check out some resources like the National Eating Disorders Association website or National Alliance for Eating Disorders website. For personalized advice, connecting with a dietitian who specializes in eating disorders can also be super helpful.

Explore Your Own Relationship with Food

Understanding the challenges of talking about eating disorders is just one piece of the puzzle in supporting recovery. It’s also beneficial to reflect on your own relationship with food. I’ve created a quiz that can help you do just that—thoughtfully and without judgment.

Take the Relationship with Food Quiz

This quiz is designed as a tool for self-reflection, helping you understand your eating habits and attitudes toward food. It’s a chance to see what’s working for you and what might need a bit more attention.

Whether you’re dealing with stress around food or just curious about your patterns, this quiz can provide insights that are both enlightening and actionable.

Discover More About Your Food Relationship Here – Dive into the quiz to start uncovering more about your eating behaviors and how they affect your overall well-being.

If you want to read more about intuitive eating and body positivity — this blog post might be helpful and this one, too.

Support on Your Journey

Understanding your own food habits can better equip you to help others with eating disorders. If this guide or the quiz sparks new understanding or questions, don’t hesitate to share it or seek further guidance.

Remember, improving our approach to food and support isn’t just beneficial for others—it enriches our own lives too.

Final Thoughts

Helping someone with an eating disorder is all about compassion, patience, and understanding. It’s not about saying the perfect thing; it’s about showing up for them in a way that respects their journey and affirms that they’re not alone in this.

If this guide was helpful, please share it with others. Spreading awareness and understanding can make a big difference.

For more resources and support, don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals who can guide you and your loved one through this tough time.