Unhealthy Relationship with Food: Signs, Causes, & How to Heal

Struggling with an unhealthy relationship with food? Diet culture and conflicting nutrition advice can make it hard to feel at ease with eating. You might feel anxious around certain foods, struggle with guilt after eating, or find yourself constantly thinking about what you “should” or “shouldn’t” eat. These patterns don’t just affect your eating—they impact your mental and emotional well-being, making food feel more like a source of stress than nourishment.

But what exactly does an unhealthy relationship with food look like? And more importantly, how can you begin to heal? Let’s break it down and explore a compassionate, non-diet approach to food and body trust.

What is an Unhealthy Relationship with Food? (Signs & Symptoms)

An unhealthy relationship with food isn’t just about what you eat—it’s about how you feel about food and your body. It often involves:

• Food Fears: Feeling extreme anxiety or discomfort around foods labeled as “unhealthy” or “bad.” You might avoid entire food groups, follow rigid eating rules, or feel distressed when eating something outside of your “safe” foods. The fear isn’t just about nutrition—it’s about control, worth, and identity.
• Guilt and Shame: Feeling like you’ve “failed” or “ruined everything” after eating certain foods. It can escalate into feeling unworthy, out of control, or even disgusted with yourself. This distress isn’t just about the food—it’s about what it represents: a loss of perceived control, fear of weight gain, or the belief that eating a “bad” food makes you a bad person.
• Obsessive Thoughts: Constantly thinking about food, meal timing, ingredients, or calories—often at the expense of being present in daily life. These thoughts also extend to body image, where self-worth becomes tied to weight, shape, or how much control you feel over eating. The pursuit of an “ideal” body can become all-consuming, making it difficult to focus on anything outside of food and appearance.

Healthy Relationship with Food vs. Unhealthy: How to Tell the Difference

There’s a common misconception about the non-diet approach—that dietitians who take this stance don’t believe in nutrition or assume that anyone who cares about eating whole, minimally processed foods must have an eating disorder. That’s simply not true.

Wanting to prioritize nutrition—choosing foods that make you feel good, eating a variety of nutrients, and incorporating more fruits, vegetables, or whole foods—is not the same as having an unhealthy relationship with food.

The key difference? Flexibility vs. rigidity.

• If you feel at ease with your food choices, eat a variety of foods without guilt, and don’t experience stress when eating outside of your usual pattern, that’s a sign of a supportive relationship with food.
• If food choices feel rigid, fear-based, or tied to your self-worth, or you experience anxiety or shame when eating certain foods, that may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship with food.

A non-diet approach isn’t “anti-nutrition”—it’s about removing shame, fear, and rigidity from eating so that food can be about nourishment and enjoyment rather than control.

What Causes an Unhealthy Relationship with Food?

Diet Culture

Diet culture teaches us that thinness equals health, success, and worthiness—no matter what it takes to get there. Fatphobia fuels this belief, making people feel like they must shrink their bodies at all costs. The dangers of weight loss, like disordered eating and long-term health issues, are rarely talked about. Instead, thinness is celebrated, even when it’s achieved through extreme or unhealthy measures.

Diet culture also encourages black-and-white thinking about food, labeling some foods as “good” and others as “bad.” This creates unnecessary fear and guilt around eating. Many people start avoiding certain foods entirely, feeling like they’ve “failed” if they eat something off-limits. Over time, this rigid mindset can lead to anxiety, food avoidance, and cycles of restriction and bingeing.

For many, these beliefs start in childhood. If you grew up in a home where dieting was normal, you may have learned that food should be controlled instead of enjoyed. If family members constantly talked about weight, criticized their bodies, or praised thinness, those messages stick. A child who sees their parent dieting might learn to fear food rather than trust their body’s signals.

Trauma and Nervous System Dysregulation

Food struggles aren’t really about food—they’re a symptom of something deeper. Eating disorders and disordered eating behaviors are nervous system responses to unmet needs—like safety, security, and belonging. When these needs aren’t met, food can become a way to cope.

For some, food restriction or following food rules feels like control when everything else in life feels unpredictable. Tracking calories, avoiding certain foods, or “eating clean” can create a sense of stability, even if it comes at a cost.

For others, binge eating or eating past fullness becomes a way to calm the nervous system. If someone has experienced trauma, neglect, or ongoing stress, their body may crave food for comfort, distraction, or a sense of relief.

These patterns aren’t about willpower or discipline—they are survival responses. The nervous system isn’t focused on perfect eating—it’s focused on keeping you safe. If deeper emotional needs aren’t met, food can become a way to self-soothe, control, or disconnect from difficult feelings.

Lack of Nourishment & Food Scarcity

Not eating enough—whether due to dieting, stress, loss of appetite, or financial hardship—can make food feel all-consuming. When your body isn’t getting enough energy, it naturally thinks about food more.

Past food scarcity can also have a lasting impact. If you’ve ever struggled to afford enough food or lived in a home where meals were unpredictable, your body may have learned to always stay alert about food access. This can lead to habits like hoarding food, feeling anxious about wasting food, eating quickly, or feeling uneasy when food isn’t available.

Even if food is more available now, your body might still react as if scarcity is just around the corner. This isn’t a lack of control—it’s a protective response.

Misinformation

It’s hard to trust your body when nutrition advice is all over the place. Social media is filled with wellness fads and misleading claims that demonize entire food groups. These messages create fear and confusion, making eating stressful instead of natural.

Body Dissatisfaction

Feeling unhappy with your body can make food feel like something you need to control. If you believe your body isn’t “good enough,” you might try to restrict food, follow rigid meal plans, or constantly change your diet in an attempt to change your shape.

The problem? Controlling food doesn’t lead to lasting body satisfaction. It usually just leads to more food obsession, guilt, and stress.

How to Improve Your Relationship with Food (5 Steps to a Healthier Approach)

If you recognize yourself in these patterns, know that healing is possible. Here are some steps to begin rebuilding trust with food and your body:

1. Challenge Diet Culture

Diet culture teaches us that food must be “earned” and that certain foods make us “good” or “bad.” Start questioning these messages:

• Ask yourself: Where did I first learn that certain foods were “bad”? Was it from a diet, social media, or a family member?
• Look at the evidence: Have I ever cut out a food only to crave it more later? How has restriction actually affected my relationship with food?
• Unfollow accounts that promote food guilt and curate your feed with non-diet voices that align with a more flexible, nourishing approach to eating.

2. Honor Your Hunger

Your body needs consistent, adequate nourishment. Skipping meals or waiting until you’re starving often leads to feeling “out of control” around food later.

• Try checking in with your hunger levels throughout the day. If you’re not used to feeling hunger cues, start with gentle structure, like eating every 3-4 hours.
• Remind yourself: Eating when you’re hungry is a sign of self-care, not weakness.

3. Make Peace with Food

Many people approach healing with frustration—wishing they could just “get over it” or feeling ashamed of their food struggles. But what if, instead of pushing away these disordered parts, you got curious about them?

• This pattern exists for a reason—it has helped you cope, feel in control, or stay safe in some way.
• Instead of trying to “fight” your food struggles, what if you gently explored them?
• What is this behavior protecting me from?
• What deeper fear is underneath this?
• What would it look like to meet this need in a different way?

Rather than seeing your relationship with food as something to “fix,” can you befriend the strategy and get to know it better? When we stop shaming the part of us that struggles, we create space for true healing.

4. Work on Body Acceptance

Feeling good in your body doesn’t mean loving every part of it all the time. But shifting from controlling your body to caring for it can be transformative.

• Focus on what your body does for you, not just how it looks.
• Wear clothes that feel comfortable and supportive instead of punishing yourself with sizes that don’t fit.
• Unfollow accounts that make you feel like your body is a “problem” to be fixed.

5. Seek Support

Healing from an unhealthy relationship with food isn’t something you have to do alone. Working with a non-diet dietitian and therapist can help you:

• Identify where your beliefs about food and body came from.
• Unlearn restrictive patterns while still prioritizing your well-being.
• Feel more at ease with eating and build trust with your body over time.

A Note on Healing Your Relationship With Food

Healing isn’t about “fixing” yourself—it’s about getting to know the parts of you that have been trying to protect you all along.

If your disordered eating patterns have helped you feel safe, in control, or comforted, it makes sense that they’re hard to let go of. Instead of shaming yourself for struggling, what if you welcomed that part with curiosity?

Your relationship with food developed the way it did for a reason. But now, you have the opportunity to meet those needs in a different way—one that doesn’t leave you feeling trapped, anxious, or ashamed.

Want more insights on healing your relationship with food?
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