Unhealthy Relationship with Food: Signs, Causes, & What’s Really Going On

If you’re here because you Googled unhealthy relationship with food, you’re probably worried about something specific, even if you haven’t fully named it yet.

A lot of people are worried they’re being unhealthy, not getting the “right” nutrients, or not eating the way they’re supposed to.

Others are quietly wondering if what’s going on with food might actually be disordered eating or even an eating disorder.

Most people who land on this page are secretly wondering if something is wrong with how they eat, or how they think about food, but they’re not sure what that means or what to do with that information.

Food is a biological need. For us to have cravings is not a bad thing. Our bodies know what to do with the food that we give them.

Food is not something that needs to be controlled, even though that’s what we’re constantly told.

And when we do try to control it, that’s usually when food starts controlling us.

If food feels stressful, consuming, or constantly on your mind, that matters. And it’s worth paying attention to.

If a lot of this feels uncomfortably familiar, I made a free, reflective quiz to help you explore your relationship with food a little more. It’s not a diagnosis and there are no good or bad results.

The quiz also includes resources and ideas for next steps, depending on what comes up for you.

It’s meant to help you put language to something you might already be sensing.

What Is an Unhealthy Relationship With Food?

I hear a lot of people say, “I don’t think it’s that bad,” right before they describe something that’s actually taking up a lot of their energy and mental space.

An unhealthy relationship with food isn’t about one specific food, diet, or eating pattern. It’s about how much time and energy food takes up in your head and how you feel around eating.

When I explain this to clients, I usually say it pretty plainly.

If you are consistently or constantly overthinking food choices, feeling guilt or shame around what you eat, or following strict rules about what, when, and how much you’re allowed to eat, that’s a sign your relationship with food probably isn’t great.

If you spend a lot of time thinking about food and those thoughts are stressful, overwhelming, or unpleasant, that’s important information.

Examples of an Unhealthy Relationship with food

Some common signs of an unhealthy relationship with food include fear of certain foods, guilt after eating, and feeling bad about yourself based on what you ate.

A lot of people rarely feel good about their food choices, only less bad. There’s often a lot of overthinking about food and a strong sense that they can’t trust themselves around it.

Many people truly believe they’re just not disciplined enough and that this is something they’ll always struggle with unless they get stricter.

I hear things like, “If I don’t control what I eat, I’ll never stop eating,” or “If I let myself eat freely, I’ll only eat junk food.”

I also hear, “I only have an issue with cookies, so I just don’t buy them. When they’re around, I eat them uncontrollably.”

And very often, when I suggest that someone might not be eating enough or consistently enough, the response is, “That can’t be true. I’m ‘overweight’. The problem is that I eat too much.”

Those thoughts don’t come from nowhere. They’re learned.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationship With Food

This is usually where people start gaslighting themselves.

They’ll tell me they care about nutrition, so their relationship with food can’t really be unhealthy. Or they’ll say other people have it worse, or that they’re not “underweight”, so it must be fine.

People often judge whether their relationship with food is “bad enough” based on their body size instead of their behaviors, thoughts, and physical symptoms.

Having a healthy relationship with food does not mean only eating when you’re hungry, stopping exactly when you’re full, only eating whole foods, never craving things, or never overeating. That idea alone keeps a lot of people stuck.

A healthy relationship with food is flexible. Food doesn’t determine your worth. Eating outside of your usual routine doesn’t spiral into guilt or panic. You can care about nutrition without food controlling your life.

This is where the difference between caring about nutrition and being controlled by food really matters. Your body does not care whether carbohydrates come from brown rice or white rice. It does not care whether carbs come from fruit or Skittles.

Carbs are carbs. Your body breaks them down into glucose and uses that for energy. That’s physiology.

Applying gentle nutrition means understanding that macronutrients are macronutrients regardless of where they come from.

It means prioritizing eating regularly, pairing carbohydrates, protein, fats, and fiber, and not going long periods of time without food. And it means doing all of that without assigning moral value to food or to yourself.

Food starts controlling your life when morality enters the picture. When food becomes good or bad. When eating a certain way makes you feel like a good or bad person.

That’s the difference between a healthy relationship with food and an unhealthy one.

What Causes an Unhealthy Relationship With Food?

Most people don’t develop an unhealthy relationship with food out of nowhere. These patterns usually make sense when you zoom out and look at what someone has been taught about food, bodies, and health.

I see these patterns every day in my work as a weight-inclusive dietitian supporting people with disordered eating and eating disorders.

Diet Culture and Food Rules

A lot of the beliefs people have about food didn’t come from them in the first place.

Diet culture teaches us that carbs are bad, sugar is something to fear, and that health has a specific look or size.

Fatphobia is woven into these messages, telling us that thinner bodies are healthier, more disciplined, and more worthy.

People are constantly taught that they need to shrink their bodies to be acceptable, and the dangers of weight loss are rarely discussed.

This messaging often starts in childhood. If you grew up around dieting, weight talk, body criticism, or praise for thinness, it makes sense that food feels loaded now.

These beliefs get internalized, and over time, they shape how people eat and how they feel about themselves.

Trauma, the Nervous System, and Food Behaviors

Food behaviors don’t happen because people think they’re fun. They’re not about discipline.

If discipline were the issue, you wouldn’t still be stuck here after years of trying harder.

People don’t restrict, binge, or overeat because they’re “weak” or “lacking willpower”. These behaviors often make people feel safer, even if that’s happening on a subconscious level.

Restriction can create a sense of control, purpose, or identity, especially in a society that rewards thinness. It can make someone feel strong, capable, or “good” at something.

Overeating or eating past fullness can also be regulating. For some people, it calms the nervous system or provides relief from stress.

Both restriction and overeating can act as forms of dissociation. They create physical sensations that are hard to ignore, which can be easier to focus on than emotional pain or ongoing stress.

These behaviors can also serve as powerful distractions. Hunger, exhaustion, fullness, and physical discomfort demand attention.

That doesn’t mean food is the problem. It means food has become a coping tool.

Undereating, Food Scarcity, and Restriction

One of the biggest places I see people get stuck is the belief that they eat too much, so eating more or more consistently couldn’t possibly help. This belief is especially strong for people who have been told their entire lives that they need to lose weight.

But the body’s job is to sustain life. When a biological need is restricted, the body compensates. This isn’t about self-control. It’s biology.

I often use sleep as an example. If you pull an all-nighter, you can’t do that forever. Eventually, when you finally sleep, you’ll sleep much longer than usual, right?

The body does the same thing with food and water. When we deprive a basic need, the body pushes back.

This is why restriction so often leads to overeating, feeling out of control around food, and constant thoughts about eating.

Carbohydrates and Energy Levels

It’s also why blood sugar regulation depends on eating consistently and frequently, and on pairing nutrients together. Carbohydrates play a huge role here, and this is another place people get really stuck.

All bodies need carbs. Carbs are the body’s preferred source of energy.

When someone feels exhausted, shaky, foggy, or constantly preoccupied with food, one of the first things I look at is whether they’re eating enough carbohydrates.

This can feel completely backwards when carbs have been demonized. But your body does not care where carbs come from. Brown rice, white rice, bread, fruit, candy. It all gets broken down into glucose so your body can function.

That’s not me being permissive or “woo. woo” That’s just how the body works.

Grief After Undereating and Chronic Food Restriction

When people realize that under-eating (while a survival strategy for the nervous system) was harmful to their physical body, there’s often a lot of sadness. Grief, even.

People grieve the time they spent hungry, tired, and blaming themselves. They grieve their younger selves who were trying to cope the only way they knew how.

In sessions, we talk about how those behaviors were coping tools. They were attempts to reach for safety with the information and support that were available at the time.

That doesn’t mean someone was negligent or lazy or failed. It means they were trying to survive.

For a lot of people, realizing this brings up sadness instead of relief, and that makes sense. You’re not just changing how you eat. You’re grieving how long you thought this was your fault.

How to Heal Your Relationship With Food

Healing Your Relationship With Food Isn’t About Fixing Yourself

A lot of people come into this wanting to fix their relationship with food. I understand that. But I usually remind them that they’re not broken.

This is happening for a reason. These patterns didn’t come out of nowhere.

Healing isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about getting to know yourself and your body better so that mindful eating can be possible.

What Healing a Relationship With Food Looks Like in Real Life

Healing often looks like giving yourself permission, within your nervous system’s capacity, to eat all foods.

It means allowing yourself to eat meals regularly, to eat past fullness sometimes, to not eat enough sometimes, and to learn from those experiences without turning them into proof that you’re failing.

A healthy relationship with food includes “imperfection”. It includes curiosity. It includes viewing nutrition as a science instead of morality.

There is no such thing as good or bad food because all foods contain nutrients. (That statement isn’t an opinion, by the way. It’s a fact.)

Over time, as consistency and nourishment increase, food usually becomes less loud. Not because you controlled it better, but because your body no longer needs to fight for its needs.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Okay, this makes sense, but I don’t know what to do with it yet,” that’s normal. A starting point doesn’t have to be drastic.

Sometimes it’s as simple as eating a little more consistently, or noticing how you feel on days you include carbs versus days you avoid them. Not to judge it or fix it. Just to gather information.

Disordered Eating and Eating Disorders

This article is not a diagnostic tool. But I strongly believe in internal wisdom. If you feel like you might have disordered eating or an eating disorder, you deserve to have that conversation with a trusted professional.

Your concerns are valid regardless of your weight, appearance, or how severe you think things are. If something feels off with your relationship with food, that matters.

If you’re noticing these patterns in yourself or someone you care about and aren’t sure how to talk about it, I wrote more about how to approach those conversations with care and without making things worse. And here is a post about my favorite eating disorder books to recommend for my clients.

Curious About Your Relationship With Food? Take the Free Quiz

I created a free, reflective quiz because seeing a weight-inclusive dietitian isn’t accessible to everyone. The quiz is designed to help people assess their relationship with food through reflection, not judgment. You don’t have to be sure anything is ‘wrong’ to be curious.

There are no good or bad results. Only you see your results. And if something comes up, you can use that information as an invitation to have a deeper conversation with someone you trust, whether that’s a therapist, dietitian, or another support person.